Anecdote
by darkvixenpixie
Summary: Brief, depressing songfic based on "Anecdote" and the solemn Potions Master. PG-13 for suicidal themes and acts.


A/N: "Anecdote" is the property of Bad Astronaut and their recording studios ect, ect. I don't own it nor helped them or their songwriter write it.

all HP characters and places are owned by J.K. Rowling unless otherwise noted

Reviews & Criticism are welcomed. This is my first song fic so I'd really love to know what you think about it. Thank you

Anecdote

> _A thousand indecisions   
__launched from the table for one_

A sharp snap sounded throughout the dungeon. It reverberated against the bare walls of the small room as a cackling, dim fire greeted the stone ward for the first time in many days. The room was now cast with dancing shadows as it eased itself back into a damp silence. Severus Snape shivered silently, his dark eyes blinkingly taking in the atmosphere. He felt more alone in his chambers than he had ever felt before. He couldn't remember how long he had been sitting there, on the floor against his desk, shivering noiselessly as time crept on.

He absent-mindedly reached inside his worn, dark cloak and pulled out a clear vial. It was filled with an iridescent liquid. He twirled it between his fingers, watching it change colors in the light of the fire. He frowned to himself momentarily. He couldn't believe he was doing this; he remembered himself making the potion, and planning his great escape but now that it was here he once again questioned his motives. For a man as impatient as he was, he found it contradictory that he, Severus Snape, could bear to be so indecisive. Yet he again questioned himself in that cold room, for the thousandth time in days.

> _Lately they've been killing me   
__they were left unsung _

Cold sweat began to bead on his forehead. His lank, raven hair hung shaggily in front of his empty, depthless eyes. He shook himself out of the cloak, tossing it a few feet from where he was. His skin stung as the chilly air touched his threadbare chest. He looked at his forearm, tracing it gently with his right hand. In the dim light he could see the many scars that ran up and down, creating their own twisted history on his body. He sighed as he ran his long, graceful fingers over the ivory scars. Those scars that were a tribute to his mistakes, the scars that marked his silent downfall, the scars that held the secrets of his past. They were his silent retribution to himself and it reflected in his scars. Deep scars that magic could never heal, and it took time too long for them to eventually fade.

He looked away, the tears swelling in his eyes at the memories of the life he so hated. He pulled himself up to his desk, and grabbed the bottle which he had left there.

He shakily poured the crimson wine into a glass. It rattled in his hands as he gently poured the sparkling contents of the vial into the dark ocean of wine. He raised it to his lips and he noticed the sweet taste of wine overpowering the salty, bitter taste of the tears that had fallen upon his colorless lips. He looked upwards to the ceiling, as if expecting an answer. When none came he hung his head and cried into the remaining wine, stirring the cup ever so slightly.

> _I desire stop motion sickness  
__the potion in your breath companionment_

"I deserve to die alone; I have lived alone even amongst all my peers and I have always loved alone." Severus whispered into the still air, his forehead perspiring more heavily now, mixing with the salty tears falling down over his ghostly face. He raised the glass to his lips for a conclusive swallow. The room was tilting to its side as he noticed numbly he became void of most bodily control. His tears halted as his eyes drifted close, the glass slipped out of his hand and crashed into the floor. Shards were scattered in every direction away from the epicenter of the fall. He whispered softly into the heavy air, "It is fate that I should die alone"

* * *

Minerva McGonagall paused in the long hallway. She pressed her face up against the door to Snape's chamber. "I deserve to die alone; I have lived alone even amongst all my peers and I have always loved alone." She stood there, in the cold of the dungeons, listening to the muffled sounds of a forcibly controlled sob. She paused, unsure of what to do, when she heard a shatter of glass.

"Severus? Are you in there?" There was no reply. "SEVERUS! OPEN THIS DOOR! CAN YOU HEAR ME?" McGonagall knocked on the door sharply, and waited for Snape's footsteps.

"Snape, are you ill? Are you just in one of those moods again? Do you want me to leave you alone because if so you can give me an answer I have enough to worry about with MY own students, not standing out in this freezing hallway worrying about a fellow Professor!"

But the answer never came.

If walls had eyes they would have seen the flushed, worried expression on the usually calm Headmistresses face. They would have seen her begin to bang on his door.

"Severus, I am serious. As Headmistress of this school I command you to open this door!" Tears came to her eyes as she choked out "Alohomora" and forced herself into his wards.

> _Abandonment death a thousand insecurities  
__dumped forever dumped endeavors _

"Are you awake?" She whispered into his ear as she bent down next to him and laid her head against his chest. He was still breathing although it was somewhat irregular. She inhaled softly and smelt the strong current of liquor in the air. "Have you drunk yourself into a stupor?" Her thoughts became hurried, and she saw that he was shivering almost violently.

"Snape, I am going to call the headmaster, I believe you have exceedingly surpassed the limit of even your intoxication standards!"

> _I'm awakened by the laugh comfort  
__in your sound whatever_

Severus slanted his eyes. Minerva's voice hazily met his senses. Her back was to him and she was throwing floo powder into his fire place. He heard her demand to have Albus Dumbledore in the dungeons immediately. He tried to laugh as if to comfort her and quell her from contacting the Headmaster but death's icy fingers were sliding down his chest, and he could only choke out a painful wheeze.

> _I'm enamored by your smile   
__you put the words right __into my mouth _

She turned to him, and looked into his emotionless eyes. She looked at him weakly. "Oh, I was afraid I'd never look into those midnight eyes again."

Her sympathetic smile soothed him.

Her eyes became panic stricken once more as she pressed her hand to his cool forehead. She dragged his cloak over him and picked up the empty vial. She sniffed it cautiously and a look of wonder came into her eyes. His brilliance of a potion master was admirable and he finally put it to a use of which he could be benefited.

"….it's too late….you had planned it this way. You're not even intoxicated! You've poisoned yourself! You're killing yourself!" she whispered accusingly through her tears. "No one can hold you or love you—" She began to choke on her own tears.

She took the words right out of his mouth.

> _I love my antidote to death almost _

Minerva sat by his side and cried silently. She felt helpless. She questioned herself as to why he would want to kill himself. "No one can love you like we do here Severus. We've forgiven your past! Is that why you're killing yourself, because you can't forget?"

But she knew no one could help him harbor his pain, and she knew that tonight she would have nightmares of a hauntingly pale boy, always ridiculed and mocked, a boy that was her student and now was a Professor. Her student, Professor Snape, would haunt her and his memory would remain an enigma of what more could she have done to soothe him. But tonight there would be no answer.

He heard her cry, felt her body slide beside him. Felt her shake as she sobbed. He knew how she felt, to watch someone die. A silent tear slid down his skin. His alabaster skin was so pale against the dark cloak. He wondered momentarily if she actually cared if he lived or not, or if it was just the situation that upset her. He only hurt people. But he had never truly learned how to get over his past and allow others to see the real him. The scarred him. The Severus Snape displayed so plainly against the cold of the night. The Severus Snape that was slowly dying.

> _Died twice today _

Dark death enveloped his body. His spirit was slowly dying inside of him, and his heart slowed and his alabaster skin began to be tinged blue. He had already killed himself inside his heart, but his body kept fighting on its own. He had to wait. He was waiting for her to leave. He deserved to die alone.

> _I wait on you to bail me  
__like everyone else _

She looked at him and pulled him to her chest, rocking slowly on the floor. "Severus, I can't bear to say goodbye. I don't want to have to say goodbye. Just hold on…" The truth was as she held his limp body she realized he had never had anyone who loved him and wanted him there. He was an abused soul, tortured by others and by his past. A soul such as his could never be set free. She looked at the scars on his arms and traced them absently. In the quiet you could only hear their heartbeats. Their heartbeats rose and fell at the same beat, softly and slowly, like the song of two lovers after a passionate encounter.

> _I confess lay my leery head on your chest   
__give you everything I never had_

Severus laid his head on her chest. His thoughts were heavy and his eyelids were drooping. "I've never forgiven myself truly before tonight. I can hear your heart beat Minerva, and it gives me faith I never deserved. I know that should I deserve to live on in the memories of this moment that this will be the one portraying the evil bastard Sev-Severus S-Snape as I finally let my weakness sh-sh-show. Forgive me…."

She nodded silently. "There was nothing to forgive you for…" She whispered absently as she felt his chest fall for the last time, his eyes flickering closed. A smile lingered on his ice blue lips, his pale complexion seemed to glow in the firelight. She leaned down and granted him what she knew he never had as a child nor as the lonely man he grew up to be. Albus Dumbledore apparated quietly into the office in time to see McGonagall lean down to the still form of Severus Snape. She gently kissed the lips of the man she then admired and tasted the murdering substance he had let fall upon his lips.

"A sip of wine chased by cyanide".


End file.
